but not together

so on the third day of CNY i wore my golden pants. went to zhe ti's house first then came back home where my relatives from my mother's side of the family came to visit
nerissa finally agreed to take a picture with me after several years of pleading..

we wore matching shiny skinnies.. cool but hers is so much nicer..
botak jun and nerissa.. together for 4-5 years if i'm not wrong..man.. i still remember the times when i made fun of her in school..

after dinner i went to girlf's house to play cards... had fun and earned some lui! haha..

du shen's(queen) flying hair

pat, mel,ting and girlf's hand

oh this picture was taken on renuion dinner.. my brother insists i took a picture of him behind the fire.. okay..

and my baby! collected it on 5/2 for colour touch up... luckily it's safe and sound..

okay... i still don't understand why i still have dreams about him.. i had one last night.. but the storyflow wasn't smooth.. all i know is that we were not together.. but acted as if we were... but you know what they say.. dreams and reality.. are totally the opposite. last night when we were playing cards at girlf's house, queen mentioned that ahdeik went to club.. which she did not allow last time but somehow she did not care at all now.. i wish i was as strong as her.. and all my other friends.. but when she mentioned that there was an underage party at dxo.. the first thing that popped into my mind was whether he would be there.. and he knew very well that i hate guys who go clubbing.. especially him.. i remembered how i told him before that if he were to club i will never talk to him again.. maybe that threat will not matter to him? i don't understand why i still care.. it's been a month.. since i saw him.. since everything.. but hey a month is a short short period of time, somehow i think this one month is the longest month in my life. i know we can never be together again. but the inevitable fact is that i miss him. alot. but we can never be together.. not after everything.. no matter how much i wish not to let go, the fact is that we can never be together.. perhaps he himself don't wish to be together anymore too.. perhaps he has already moved on... i just wish that he will just tell me that he has already moved on or something.. so i won't think so much.. not making me stuck here everyday thinking what he is doing.. if he just moved on i can just completely erase him.. and for me missing him and stuff is quite unfair to others.. so i'm in a very confusing state right now.. perhaps i shouldnt go click on all the pictures last night.. then i wouldnt have that dream.. i bet he does not even have me on his mind these past few days.. many people told me he is not worth it, i know but i just need time to erase all this pain.. but is it because i choose not to let go? my mind says no when my heart says yes?

if anything should happen, i guess i wish you well.