20 more days to christmas. I for one love this festive holiday, although i'm not a christian nor a catholic or of any religion related to christmas. It's the festive joy and mood it creates around the end of each year, the christmas lights along orchard road, the some-how-similar-every-single-year decorations of shopping centers, christmas dinners with family and watching christmas movies. you can't deny that all these somehow fills your heart with a little warmth. But what is this "Christmas" if you do not have someone(s) special to celebrate it with? for the past few years i have been doing nothing that memorable during this period, instead, staying at home watching christmas programmes. I envied my christian relatives celebrating christmas, they would invite their church friends over for scrumptious dinner and play christmas music in the background, exchange gifts and such. I do not practice giving christmas presents the way others do, because most of my friends doesn't too, (most of us are free-thinkers) and some thought that this holiday is a little bit too commercialised, yeah you can't deny that, but still, it's all about the holiday spirit yes? Well i hope this year, it's different. and anyone of you wants to practice christmas spirit can do so by practicing on me (im talkin' about presents) hahahahhaha.
But you know what they say, Christmas is not all about receiving, it's about giving.
right now, i am going to practice this festive tradition by wanting to give away some things of my own
1) bad temper
2) fats (yes you know you saw this coming)
3) laziness
4) carelessness
5) all other bad habits
Christmas, is all about love. something i lack of now. need not necessary means love between a male and a female, but family love, love from good friends, sibling love. I was cycling at macritchie on wednesday and saw a very beautiful sight : a father in his twenties, bringing his 1-2 year old son for a walk in the park alone, very attentive to every movement the little baby does, trampling about the grass and laughing to eachother. I couldn't help but to stop and took a moment to grasp this image into my mind. then i carried on cycling along the park and about half and hour later, i saw them again, this time on a bench facing the reservoir, with the sun-setting visible, the father feeding his child. you'd probably think why i'm making a huge fuss about this scenario or this whole paragraph i'm writing but if you saw it with your own eyes, you'd probably get what i mean.
Although i can't deny that i do miss the feeling of being loved by someone. it's been a long time, but it's not the same if that someone loves you but you don't. it's hard to find mutual love. it's a very beautiful thing. I admit that I envy my friends out there who found their perfect half, spending time together and doing stuff together. (most of my friends are attached) so yeah, can't help but to feel this way. Yes, i may be a little young to be thinking about all these but as i said, can't help it.
Love from friends, is of course, very essential to me. and little problems that arroused within my friends and I will be one of the most painful things, so friends, if you tend to think i'm "sensitive" about little things, it's just that friends are one of the most important things, well, to me.
Love from family and siblings is inevitably important. although sometimes parents may be very irritating or portays an image of a monster, but it's all out of love. I used to think that my parents hated me 'cos i always get into trouble and i'm the naughtiest among their three children. I hated to talk to my mom in the past, thinking that the only form of communication between us was shouting and screaming. but that was because i was young and stupid then (not that i'm not now) and my mom has a bad temper, so does my dad and of course me, (sort of a genes thing i think) so it was hard if none of us gave in to eachother, so we quarrelled all the time in the past. but now, my mom would give in to me and sometimes i would too, 'cos i know my mom loves me alot. but i always suspected how my dad loves my brothers more than me, 'cos they are more studious, hardworking and done him proud in one way or another, while i, nothing but trouble. both of them studies in a junior college and now in university, while me, nothing comparable. (well it all leads to me having low-self esteem again) and i'm not that close to my siblings. although we live under one roof, the only time we could talk to eachother is during dinner, and not daily because my second brother is in the army and could only come home on certain days while my eldest brother never comes home for dinner, so it's only times when all of us are free and went out for dinner, which is like once a month. some of you may think im lucky, having to live in a nice house, but how is it nice spending everyday alone?
i'm sorry if i didn't make any sense in this emotional post but... yeah.
happy holidays
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